the curse is
that i can't act and direct at the same time
so whenever i go
back up to the director's seat
the stage is empty
and whenever i am myself
nobody is showing me what to do
so usually
i'm the audience member
looking out the window

i want to attach to
someone else
find a perfect symbiosis
but at best i'm just feeding
and most likely i'm the parasite
so my heart rejects that option
out of hand
like flick a tick off the skin

i'm only ever looking for my reflection
look deep into everyone else's eyes desperate to know what they see
safety us the drug
chase it to save what's left of my heart
or cut it out and burn through to what's real