in your eyes
i see everything i've ever wanted to be
makes sense that i look for rejection
and doubt affection
i already know that my ideal self
hates me
for everything that i am not
how could he ever
accept me when i am
so far from him

is this what a god is
everything, implacable
perfection isolated
from everything i am
there is no way to him
there is no way around him
he faces elsewhere
love and hate break on his back
i wouldn't know him
if he was me